Hi, it’s been a while, hasn’t it.
This post is just me talking a little bit about the past and future of this blog and posting some random retrospectives and personal bullshit about my life. I realize that nobody fucking cares about this, but I feel it’s important to post it for the reasons described in the post itself.
It’s now 2017 and we’re approaching the second anniversary of me setting up ColtonDRG.com. When I first set up ColtonDRG.com, it was going to be a place where I could just chronicle my current activities and keep a personal record of what I’ve been up to. Of course, it was also always meant to be public, because I love messing around with computers and running a personal weblog is something I felt like doing. Anyway, it’s pretty clear that I have certainly not kept up the first part of the ColtonDRG.com bargain. Most of my recent exploits are not documented here in any way shape or form. Not only that, but recently I have been going back and really questioning the content that is here. There are a number of things here that I look back on and think to myself “Wow, the person who wrote that post was a fucking idiot.” Because of this, I have been considering backing everything up, scrapping the database, and starting again from scratch. Of course, I would post backups of everything in a publicly accessible location, because I, over several years of internet experience, have realized that deleting content from the internet is a fruitless effort, and moreover, I don’t want those posts to not exist, I just want them tucked away in a place where nobody will ever find them unless they’re really looking hard.
But that’s when I realized something. What point is there in resetting everything? I could get a chance to reinstall WordPress and configure it from scratch, but that’s not really a particularly interesting thing to do, and I’m pretty happy with the way things are functioning right now. My only real reason for considering doing this hard reset is to get rid of some of the old posts that make a more modern me cringe. The problem lies here: I look back on almost every single thing I’ve done in the past in a negative light. But that doesn’t mean I regret it. These things may be embarrassing or even downright stupid, but it represents something that I worked hard on and I was proud of at the time of releasing it, and even though I don’t have any particular interest in what it is now, saying that I wouldn’t be who I am today without any of those things is nothing short of an understatement. As much as I don’t like those old posts now, the fact remains that some former version of myself thought that work was worth doing, and that’s something I have to accept.
The truth is that I will never be happy with work I’ve done in the distant past. I will always look at the things I’ve accomplished with a critical eye. I constantly attempt to learn and become better at the things I do, and part of that is being incredibly critical of my past works. This might not be normal or even healthy, but it’s the way my mind works, and there’s no point in trying to change it. That said, there is no point in hiding any of said past works. I should leave that stuff out in the open to be critiqued (even if mainly by myself). If anything, this blog has given me an opportunity to actually peek into my past and see what I was interested in at the time.
And that’s also why I would like to continue maintaining it. Saying that I’ve neglected this recently is the understatement of the decade, and even though I don’t like reading old posts because they make me cringe so hard, I also get a more complete picture of my life during the times I was posting actively. A picture that I can’t get of the times before I started and the many windows where no posts are made. This blog has always been another in a long string of stupid projects that I’ll inevitably neglect, even though part of the point was to document said stupid projects. I guess I should stop looking it like one of those projects, and start looking at it as a portal for dumping them.
Anyway, the structure of this post is terrible and nonsensical, but hopefully I’ll look back at this in the future and it’ll reveal something about me in this moment that I will have long forgotten about by the time I get around to that.
I leave you with this video because I find this voice mixing thing really fascinating for some reason. (I should really catch up on ponies too)